After 18 months living and working abroad in London and Auckland, I get the same question from all of my friends and family members at every bottomless mimosa brunch: “What brought you back to the USA and why are you starting your own company?”

As an inquisitive person, I prefer to reply with my own question first to start a conversation. “Have you ever accidentally discovered something about yourself that you were confused, curious, or excited about?"

Whether this was a positive or negative discovery, I am always curious about how people respond to what they are thinking or feeling. They may judge the feeling and try to push it away. They may pretend it doesn’t exist because it was confusing or made them feel like they are wrong. If they embrace it, they may feel stifled, judged or treated as an outsider. Or, they may face it with an open mind and wonder why they don’t follow their other curiosities more often.

When I had these experiences over the course of my career, I felt like I was rocking the boat, but I carried on with my creative ideas and suggestions for improvement. In other instances, the problem just felt too big. Instead of facing it, I would continue with my work and follow the norms as set by the company culture. If I felt justified, I would try different strategies until I moved to a new role or new company, accepting that I was unable to create change other than within myself.

Unfortunately, the cultural norms I have tried to leave behind are more prevalent and seemingly acceptable even though they are creating measurable damages and institutional dysfunction. Bad habits have become the status quo, abuse and exploitation have become accepted, and the damage it does when workers bring their problems home with them exacerbate the problem. In early 2020, I realized that I wasn’t alone in my perception that things could be exponentially better for everyone at work. As I reflected back on my professional career, I recognized a pattern and the root cause. For individuals, it is a lack of purpose. We go through life trying to survive, not realizing why we do what we do. We are afraid to follow our gut and seek more of what we need. When we don’t have a strong “why,” making a change and finding the “how” becomes ever more elusive. We drift into autopilot, leaning on the programming we received as children that manifest further into adulthood, and we surround ourselves with likeminded people who are doing the same.

The Psychology of Self-Discovery

Those who have read about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in “A Theory of Human Motivation” know that all humans require the core physiological requirements of safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Other experts on this topic suggest that human needs are universal, innate, and can be narrowed down to three basic psychological needs: competence, autonomy, and relatedness. I often question whether my readers think this is accurate as they consider their own needs in their professional lives. In order to engage at work, we want to feel like we are capable, self-sufficient, and understood. When any aspect of our identity and sense of self appears to be at risk, does our authenticity disappear in our attempt to maintain a sense of safety? It’s understandable, but this tactic isn’t healthy for me or anyone else.

During the height of the COVID lockdown, I decided to stop hiding. I acknowledged that feeling safe by fitting in and pretending things were ok was no longer an option. I did this because I knew so many other people felt completely unfulfilled at work, but did not know what to do about it. In exploring this feeling, I was able to finally start discovering my true purpose. It was an affirming moment of Mark Twain’s famous saying, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”