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C – Suite isolation is reported now more than ever. It impacts individual well-being and can have a knock-on effect on investor’s decisions about the company. (HBR)

The things you can do to combat it are obvious but hard.

Humans are hardwired to avoid isolation, but in a hierarchical organization competition for roles, power and resources can create an environment where isolation is inevitable as senior leaders inadvertently create in-group/out-group competition.

Similarly, humans are hardwired to avoid rejection as historically this was tantamount to death if we were outcast by the tribe. There is a simple connection between the feelings associated with failure and rejection in the corporate world. Coupled with competition senior management can create an isolating fortress mentality.

Steps to combat this are simple but uncommon:

1. Create a non-hierarchical structure
2. Create a culture of sharing via openness and vulnerability
3. Put in place personal support for moments where isolation may occur
4. Create a culture that fails fast and openly with an emphasis on learning

The full version

Due to the environment created by personal and business-social media, C-suite members are feeling increased exposure and less support.

Simon Sinek (in his appearance on the High-Performance webchat) suggests that:

You can’t be high-performing as an individual

Or if you are – it comes with an incredible energy cost. It’s possible that if a senior executive feels isolated in their work role that they are on a pathway to no longer be able to perform at a high level.

This harkens back to the time before cave dwellers as they began to form into tribes. Realising that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts., there was increased pressure on tribe members to conform and that conformity was rewarded. Conversely feeling isolated works against group contributions, If you feel isolated it makes it harder to connect with the needs of others, which ultimately is what any successful organisation relies on.

A client of mine some years ago worked with drug-resistant depression. His working theory was that there was actually a subset of the tribe who were (in effect) paid by the group to live on the periphery and to face outwards. Their job, and that of their children down the generations, was to be hyper vigil and to spot danger so as to warn the community. These people developed a strong ability to spot potential danger and were rewarded for it (remember the boy who cried wolf). The downside of the isolation and constant threat awareness was anxiety and its almost inevitable companion Depression. It’s a stretch to draw a straight line from this to a C-Suite member, but there are enough parallels to flag up the potential risk of this sense of isolation and risk spotting might be having on mental health.

Brene Brown encourages us to:

Lean in and be vulnerable

but for C-suite, their perceived personal performance has been shown to impact investment decisions and stock value. How can CEOs be vulnerable in an environment where that may ultimately impact their success? Or perhaps a better question to ask is; How can individuals be healthily vulnerable without compromising trust in themselves or the organisation?

A CEO I worked with confided in me that he had a strong sense that he had been promoted into his role more based on what he had done lower down the hierarchy than what he was being asked to do as CEO. This makes sense when we think that most people want a ‘stretch role’ or some novelty when they change jobs. I can’t think of many who are looking to do exactly the same things in a new job as in their old. Even this ‘stretch’ into the unknown can have an impact on isolation and a potential for imposter syndrome. Dan Cable in the HBR suggests that hiding vulnerability is what leads to the syndrome.

The pressure on work performance to aim towards perfection adds even more pressure. I am often reminded of the Gary Vaynerchuk quote in this instance:

Perfectionism is anxiety with lipstick

(Not surprisingly with Gary the expletive has been deleted)

Steven Pressfield (The War of Art) suggests that isolation occurs in both art and work as a result of being in a hierarchy rather than a territory. The hierarchy is a pecking order and resources are restricted. (cf Dan and Lucas Price and their approach to the hierarchy at GravityPayments). What is interesting about Pressfields approach is that he actually defines Territory in much the same way as Simon Sinek does. The hierarchy doesn’t have an isolating effect if we work from OUR territory, what Sinek would describe as our personal ‘Why’. If we can connect to our inner resources, drive or reason then we don’t feel isolated, we feel inspired. As the adage goes, You don’t need motivation when you have inspiration.

Perhaps then isolation is only an issue if you think it is! If you are isolated and use it for good (meditation, reflection, inspiration) then it could provide positive outcomes instead of negative.

What if you’re not inspired?

It takes a lot of bravery and personal awareness for my clients to even approach me, because to do that means that they are acknowledging on some level that they are not enough. Even if that means that they are not enough to handle it on their own. To me, this is a critical indicator that they aren’t able to ask for that support, or even vent that frustration in the workplace for fear of being judged. I recently wrote that even when we are asked about our vulnerabilities in a job interview:

“What would you say are your biggest weaknesses or areas for improvement?”

we twist our answer to make it a strength. This tends to be our first face-to-face contact with HR and most likely our direct report. We start by presenting a completely unrealistic veil of invulnerability.

To me, as hinted above, the pathway out of the sense of isolation, or better yet, the prevention of heading in that direction in the first place hinges on Awareness. Even to the point that Tasha Eurich would suggest that the phrasing of your introspective questions should be What not Why? She argues that Why will lead us in a spiral downwards, but What can help us gain critical insight that we can learn and move forward with.

Find a mirror

Ensuring that there are safe contact points for senior management within their work-life is an important consideration for the individual and the organisation. As Tasha Eurich reports in Insight (pg 104) find someone to hold a mirror to our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

Identify your superpower (The reframe)

A COO I worked with recently suggested: Turn it into a superpower. He talked to the whole organisation about what he felt was his limitation (in this case Anxiety) and how by recognising it as such he was able to reframe it as a message from his body that he was ready to up his game and act on the issues or thoughts that we prompting anxiety.

This approach is supported by Dan Cable in the HBR mentioned above. Dan suggests that although it may not result in immediate results – sharing safe examples of your shortcomings from the past, that you were able to learn from had a significant impact on psychological safety for staff within the organisation. The research done in this area found that this type of sharing didn’t reduce the perception staff had of the CEO and the experimental model, found that C-suite staff who wouldn’t normally have chosen to share this information still benefited by adopting the approach. In other words, the experiment didn’t just focus on managers who self-selected the opportunity to share.

Enhance your self-awareness

As an incredibly brief overview, there are two levels to awareness. Self-self and Other-self.

Self-self is knowing what is going on in your internal landscape. How am I feeling, what thoughts am I having, and as I often ask my clients “Is this thought helpful?”

It boils down to meta-cognition and without getting too ethereal, not attaching to, or ‘becoming’ the emotions that we feel. First, we notice that we are feeling something, but not inhabiting the emotions. Lifting ourselves to meta-cognition allows us to separate ourselves from the feelings that are occurring. The simple exercise of naming an emotion can prevent us from inhabiting it. It will also give us a moment of understanding as to how we process the world. This is a step toward self-awareness. Likewise, taking a moment to notice the monologues that occur in our heads can be an incredibly useful tool. Try saying “S/He’s doing it again!” next time you notice an internal rant or tirade. The noticing is a window of insight into an otherwise unconscious self-referential narrative. Or the ‘Blah blah’ as it has been dubbed.

Other-self awareness

"I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am"

-Charles Horton Cooley

Knowing how we are perceived by colleagues can unlock incredible value in the workplace. Consider this from James Clear:

“Most people don’t want accurate information; they want validating information.”

If this is true then as a member of the C-Suite, how sure can you be that you are being offered information around what is actually going on, rather than a spin from your colleagues on their interpretation of what they assume you want to hear?

Gaining a better understanding of how we are being perceived in the workplace could actually invite closer more honest interactions that can stave off that sense of isolation. Whether culture in an organisation is top-down or bottom-up pails into insignificance if there isn’t a level of authenticity around how we present ourselves and how we share information. Members of the C-suite can help to create a culture where it’s ok to be vulnerable and to support and acknowledge the skills and abilities of others. In the same Simon Sinek conversation above, he mentions that he often refers to himself as an idiot as an open way to ask for further or clearer information. In my role I am lucky enough to be aided by the fact that my ‘knowing’ anything will most likely cut me off from discovering my client’s truth, their representation of the world (and remember that perception is reality). I relish the opportunity to go on a fishing trip and to ask ‘the stupid question’. But here’s how I couch it:

• Is it possible that…?
• What would happen if…?
• I’m wondering if…?

It gives both my client and I permission to explore a level of insight that until I asked the hypothetical, would not have been easy to come by.

The next step is to be willing to abandon and line of questioning if presented with a negative answer. As my teacher used to put it:

Strong opinions loosely held

Be willing to acknowledge that you are fishing in the wrong spot and move on. There are many experts out there on many topics, and there are none on every topic. So ask your experts to share their expertise and be open to the possibility that although not charged with the responsibility for the final decision, that freedom may actually allow them to provide insight and options. Sinek again points out that often he comes across as an expert purely because he has articulated the same message many times. Repetition of a mistake is still a mistake. I often work with clients who are dealing with some version of ‘not enough’ or imposter syndrome. This can be an incredibly isolating place to be, but it is a syndrome BECAUSE it is so common. Support is available, but the first port of call might be (as I remind my clients) that; you are in the role because the best minds in the organisation in their best wisdom put you there. Likewise, the team that supports the C-suite is in those roles, because they are the best available people to perform that function. USE THEM, be open, ask the dumb question, and close the gap on feeling that you are isolated. James Clear again suggests:

"Growth requires you to be open to unlearning ideas that previously served you"

If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got.

A client of mine suggested that your employment package rewards you for the hours and the challenges of the work but doesn’t address this soft side of what that role entails.

Questions to consider

• Do I feel isolated at work?
• How does my organisation respond to failure?
• If I am feeling under pressure, what or who do I have to act as a mirror and what are my next steps to dealing with a sense of isolation
• Given the overwhelming evidence about the benefits of mindfulness, meditation, and self-reflection, what have I put in place to capitalise on the gains to be made here?
• Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way (Alan Watts) What is the question you have been missing? Who could help you find the question?